Have I experienced trauma?
July 9, 2018
By Jordan Pickell
You might think that because you haven’t experienced combat, stranger rape, a car accident, or a natural disaster, you have not experienced trauma. This common understanding of trauma makes hidden the repeated, often “invisible” trauma of abuse, maltreatment, dismissal, neglect, unpredictability, loss of control, manipulation, oppression, and the list goes on. It can be hard to put into words what went wrong. You might wonder, was my experience bad enough to be considered trauma? Am I overreacting? Maybe people in your life have told you that it wasn’t that bad, that it was normal, that other people have had it worse, that it was a long time ago. Or maybe these are things you are telling yourself.
If you are wondering, does my experience count as trauma? The impacts of trauma are wide ranging. It can manifest very differently. Having said that, here are five signs you might be dealing with the impacts of trauma:
Difficulty managing emotions
You feel like you cannot handle your feelings– you either feel overwhelmed or completely shut down. Sometimes it can vacillate from one extreme to the other. One moment you are overwhelmed, then the next you feel numb. You get triggered easily by things that happen in everyday life.
Unexplained dread and/or feeling “on edge”
Your body responds to everyday experiences with a sense of danger. This is a way our bodies and brains help us survive– scanning for danger and helping us react quickly. The problem is when that danger signal no longer helps us because it goes off at times where there is no actual danger. It just gets in the way of navigating the world. You feel like you can never relax.
Despair and powerlessness
You feel hopeless and stuck. You may have a hard time imagining a better future. When you experience a setback, you give up easily. You feel powerless, which can manifest as being childlike– difficulty speaking up for yourself, doing whatever the people around you want from you, or on the flip side, it can manifest as being controlling of situations and in relationships.
Disconnection and isolation
You feel fundamentally different than other people
, as if you are outside the human community. There is a simultaneous and desperate longing for and dread of connection with other people. You might feel like you are “dead inside”, a chronic feeling of emptiness.
You have a persistent feeling that something is wrong with you– you are weak, disgusting, worthless, or just a bad person. You might feel undeserving of support and care, which then gets in the way of seeking help.
Instead of asking “What is wrong with me?”, ask yourself “What happened to me?” We can identify experiences of trauma by looking at how you feel and how you respond to things. At the same time, the way you respond to your experiences is not something that is wrong about you. I want to push back on the idea that trauma is located in our bodies and brains. We must not forget the fact that so much of what we call trauma is the preventable violence and injustice that people and systems enact on other people. That is where trauma resides. In response, we develop different ways to survive and cope and that’s okay. If these ways are no longer serving you, seek support from a counsellor or therapist. In therapy, you can name what happened to you, identify the ways you have been impacted, develop new coping strategies, and help find healing however you might define that for yourself.
Back to blog